Seeing as not many check this blog anymore, I feel safe in posting a little more intimate of blog tonight. Two things come to mind as I reflect on a busy past couple of weeks. Things I need to get off my heart and onto something that I can be reminded in the future.

This past weekend I was asked to speak at a ladies "Day of Prayer". It was a truly blessed experience. It brought to mind a dream I had back in high school.

I was given a tour. A tour of heaven no doubt. My guide was a being of true magnificence. The thing I saw were unimaginable, in fact even indescribable. Even as I sit and type the visions are clear in my head, yet nothing like anything I have seen here on earth. During the course of this tour it came "time". Though unspoken verbally I understood that it was time to go and sing to my Lord. The angel/creature took me into a gigantic arena filled with every believer both man/woman and angelic being. I remember listening to the sound of them all talking in anticipation. The mumbling sound was perhaps the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. That same day my choir teacher from high school had arrived. He was given the great honor - to direct the heavenly chorus of the song we all knew to sing. I remember his face streaming with tears as did my own. When we had all gathered all of a sudden the arena went silent and the Holy presence of God entered in. All I can describe it as was a deep warmth that filled the room almost like a thick air. A magnificent light came up from the floor, yet extended out as though it had already been, and we began singing. I was so struck by his presence that tears streamed down my face and it took everything in me to simply squeak out audible sounds to Him. It was beautiful. And then I awoke. I can't say this was some sort of prophetic event. I've looked in scripture and found nothing to prove or disprove it's being a glimpse into the other side. I do know though... that if that was but a glimpse of heaven.... we have something amazing in store. I have cherished that dream, thinking upon it more than once over the years. Last Saturday I was privileged to sit with women who were coming together to pray for a day. Not gossip, or chat it up, but truly pray. As I sat and listened to their prayers not knowing the stories behind each other I began to just listen. What I heard directly reflected the sound I heard from my dream. The sound of people coming before our Lord. I recognized it for the first time. It wasn't a pseudo-psycho, metaphysical, emotion filled moment.... just a bunch of women talking and praying, and praying and talking. Not a draining experience where people broke out in tongues or fell on the floor, or even a time where people felt compelled to be drawn closer to God due to guilt or an "in the moment decision". It was the sound of believers approaching His throne in prayer.... and it truly was a beautiful sound. A sound that was inspiring to hear this side of heaven. Can I just send out into the world a great thank you to God, for people like these women, who set aside their time to come to Him about the issues of life? We need more. And, I need to more as well.

My second thought:

I'll entitle it... "To be or not to be". You know I don't think I've ever even read the passage where Shakespeare actually uses this phrase, but I'll coin it now because it seems appropriate. Before I even begin, I'm beginning to think I know the answer... it's To Be. I'll fill in the rest. I want TO BE what He wants me TO BE. I want my husband TO BE what He want him TO BE. I want TO BE the wife he calls me TO BE. Leo and I keep wondering what's TO BE. And I think I'm understanding a little more each day. That I'm called TO BE, what God wants me TO BE... today. I've wondered and fretted about family... is it TO BE?... or Not TO BE? How do we get there? What do we do? How can we afford? Last week I went to Leo's open house for school. I listened to the families. I listened to the students. I listened to the staff.... and I listened to a quiet voice that spoke to my heart. That voice said... "He needs to be here." It brought me to tears, but I said "Okay". I don't know what the means for us... or family... or if that will be on the horizon. It brings sorrow to me, but I know that God isn't fretting or wondering. He's put my husband in a missionaries job with big rewards and crummy pay. He's put us exactly where He wants us. My job... to support my husband, and follow my God. So.... "okay". I will say "yes" to what He wants me TO BE.

Why did I post that last section? Because I know a lot of what we do doesn't make sense to a lot of people out there. I know we've had a lot of solutions.... and a lot of no solutions to what we should do, or not do. And we haven't had answers. So here's the answer. We don't know what God has in store, but it's gunna' be awesome... it's TO BE announced, and I'm thinking I'm getting more comfortable with that answer.

So there it is. My heart out there for the great world, put out there in cyberspace, but mainly to remind myself. I'm hoping that like any journal I'll be able to scroll back and see the greatness of my Savior playing out in our lives when a lot of those questions we've had get answered. For now... it's 11:30 at night and tomorrow will come bright an early.